How Not to Get a Good Night's Sleep

I was about to go to bed when I thought I'd check up on Lenin. It turns out he's had an article in today's Graun about the Murdoch implosion, which obviously I'm finding satisfying on a number of levels. Specifically he was commenting on Ed 'Twat' Miliband's decision to stick the boot in now the beast is wounded*.

Point is, much though I enjoy Richard's writing, CiF becomes an even worse bearpit than usual under his articles. A brief survey of the comments suggests at least 3 sub-species of Trollus Cryptofascistus.

• The 'cynic'. This is a common troll endemic to CiF threads. Cynics usually acknowledge that something is not good but then proceed to offer up whatever banal platitudes they use to ensure they don't actually have to do anything about it and lets them drown out the little squeals of guilt that occasionally erupt from the dustier layers of their reptilian hindbrains. These trolls' comments usually have the effect of siding with the aggressor against the victim - ach, you see it every day in the playground, bless them. Typical examples include iamaliberal:

Labour - the party with the bravery to kick someone when they are already down.

• The 'clearly a hack'. Typical examples include Ilohan:

Whilst the media, liberal commenators, Ed Miliband etc get in a hysterical tizzy about events that happened years ago and are, in any case, a side effect of having a free press....1000s of people are losing their jobs in Derby cos we have no meaningful industrial policy**...

But some dodgy phone tapping is a national crisis...

I don't know...but have we al lost our minds?

• The 'Sir Thickington Thickalot'. These are generally just your examples of either pig-ignorance or outright barefaced lying. Possibly a witches' brew of both. Examples include flatpackhamster:

Did you know that Richard Seymour, the author of this article, is an active member of the Socialist Worker's Party? Did you know that his party campaigns for totalitarian rule and glorifies the Soviet era?

The last ones do at least have comedy value. However, it brings out the worst in me.

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* For the record, it's great that he is sticking the boot in, long may it continue. However little confidence I have that it will, should Murdoch manage to pull something out of the bag to stop the rot and begin reinflating his rancid bladder of a media empire. Maybe he could do something about his unfortunate tattoo whilst he's at it.

**PS - it's not because 'we have no meaningful industrial policy' - at least, not in the sense I suspect Ilohan means. It is, as ever, because of the way capitalism runs industry. And if you want to stop the job losses, there's a public meeting next Tuesday.

UPDATE: Having grabbed a few hours sleep, I've come to the conclusion that in fact this is a pretty normal CiF crowd. And in some ways, isn't that the biggest disappointment of them all, eh?

I Don't Think Much of Ed Milliband's New Tattoo

Sometimes I can't help but think these kind of things are a mistake. I mean, once it's done, it's permanent. It's the sort of thing that can make you squirm with embarrassment for years if you don't get it done right.

On a related note:

[Ed will tell] the public sector unions that it would be a mistake for them to strike next week, saying they need to do more to persuade the public of their argument over the perceived injustices in the government's changes to public sector pensions.

Oh good. I'd hate to think that the leader of the Labour Party would back us, the people who routinely vote for his party, at a time when our livelihoods are under attack by some of the most reactionary hacks ever to disgrace the title of Minister of State. No, Ed, you tell us that it's our fault. Why oh why don't we use our incredible presence in the national media to make our case to the public before we take action to defend ourselves? Shouldn't take much longer than the rest of this century, after all.

And that's before you get to the bollocks about 'opening the Labour Party up' - no, you arse. The Labour Party was founded to defend the working class against the depredations of the capitalist class. It's not MEANT to be for everyone. It's to help the majority organise to defend against the powerful minority in society. It's not going to be able to do that if every branch has to listen to what the local Alan bloody Sugar thinks about every damned thing.

Still, I think the tattoo is the biggest mistake.

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UPDATE: Anyways, I've got yer 'case for strike action' right here...

Hahahaahaaa, pt 94

This is priceless. If you're in the doldrums because the new Labour leader is marginally less ghastly than the one the Graun have been crowning since the election but still nothing to get excited about, at least look at how terrified teh Fail is. First there's this:
Ed Miliband is the Thatcher of the Left, apparently, allowing daring newshound James Forsyth to use 'doomsday scenario' and 'insurgent' to describe the narrow victory of Ed over David.*

But this hysteria is not only confined to the reactionary press. The Graun's coverage isn't much better, with the following making it in at paragraph four:

MPs who supported David Miliband warned that Ed Miliband's reliance on the union vote was a "disaster" for the party – leaving it open to charges that its leader would be in the pocket of its leftwing paymasters, and wide open to attack from the Tories and rightwing elements in the media.

Or, 'you can't vote for Ed, the tories won't like it!' Inspired.**

But by far the best has to be this:
Ed Miliband in Not Married Shocker!
Love the caption under the photo, using the word modern in the way only the Fail can (i.e. as a pejorative)

And check out the opening paragraphs...

As the son of a North London Marxist intellectual, you might expect Ed Miliband to have a less than conventional approach to traditional family values.

And the birth certificate of his 15-month-old son, Daniel, would appear to bear this out, as it includes everything except any mention of the boy’s proud father.

Although the section headed ‘Father’ is blank, Daniel’s mother Justine Thornton is named, along with her Manchester birthplace and profession, barrister.

Daniel was born on June 2 last year and the birth ­certificate was signed by Justine in Camden, near the couple’s London home, five weeks later on July 9.

There is no suggestion that Ed Miliband is not Daniel’s father and when asked why his name is not on the register, a spokeswoman for the new Labour leader suggested he simply had not had time to fill in the form.

'Paul, we've reached the bottom. I think we've scraped our way through the wood. Look, I can see the floor. Can I stop now?'
'No, Daily Mail Reporter, you may not! Scrape, damn you! Scrape! If only we can shriek loud enough, maybe people will start to think this is an actual problem of some kind! Can you find a picture of a saucily-dressed young mother of the kind Ed might well shack up with when his hedonistic sex-crazed mind takes its fancy? The kind that our readers fear will make them go blind if they see, and induces in them a fear of their own repressed and furtive attitudes toward intercourse?'
'Not in time for the first editions, sir.'
'Damn, just run one of him and his partner looking happy and suggest there's something immoral going on beneath the surface, and that this is somehow anybody else's business, then. There'll still be plenty of pics from the X Factor to lure the punters in.'

EPIC FAIL, Daily Mail.

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*Special mention goes to alluding to a fear of 'Ed's willingness to indulge the party' - the Fail's genuine fear of Labour members as feral beasts who do not know their place and will be coming for your Buy to Lets and begonias given the slightest nod from on high.

**In many ways this election is of course an indictment of how far Labour has fallen to Thatcherite nonsense, that the union vote is being seen as a problem for the Party. But there we go. And don't give me any of that 'unelectable' nonsense either. See here (unless you've got the book, which goes into more detail).

Intriguing, Yet Inescapable Venn Diagram

Statistics show the inevitable outcome of this contest. Only one has BOTH requirements to lead.

PS Damn you McDonnell, DAMN YOU!

UPDATE: Actually, I was misinformed. Hoorays for McDonnell, Raspberries, as per, to the PLP-Project Stitch Up.

Fucking Lib Dem Wankbastwats

Oh well, at least it's taken the difficulty out of the decision for when the government falls this autumn. Never voting for those fuckers again, even if Nick Brown is the alternative.

Hopefully the same will go for most other core Labour voters who, like me, made an unwise choice.

Fuck. Them.

Aaaaaargh.

I'm going to vote in a minute, and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I want to vote for someone who isn't a complete twat. Really, I do. But this was the headline in the Torygraph today. So I'm probably going to vote for someone I despise, whose party has disappointed me and, somewhat worse, been responsible for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of deaths, and who have done nothing to reverse the legacy of Thatcher. Because if I don't, and this happens,

What am I supposed to tell whatever little Christies might ever turn up? But equally, it's Nick Brown's fault we've come to this in many ways, so if I vote for him I'm rewarding failure, which New Labour don't believe in. Gordon Brown's always talking about rights and responsibilities, after all.

Which would be fine, if it was them who pay for their errors. But it's not, is it? It's us. Fuck.

I'll just have to toss a coin or something, I think. Jesus. Thank you Labour. I should have been a lifelong voter for you*, but I believe in equality, social justice, internationalism, and not bombing the shit out of brown people and scapegoating foreigners, so somewhere along the line I feel we've parted company.**

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*until our glorious proletarian revolution, anyway. At which point you'd all have been shot as collaborators, you reformist motherfuckers.

** Of course, I also felt this way in 2005. My MP wasn't such a nob then though.

Oh, and Just One More Thing...

Hmm. Indeed.

Nearly 17 years after she was evicted from Downing Street, there is no mistaking Baroness Thatcher's star quality. The former Prime Minister, wearing a striking cerise dress rather than her usual blue, was treated like royalty when she dropped into her old home for tea.

All hostilities were apparently forgotten as the current tenant, who has confessed to admiration for her leadership style, welcomed her with a handshake on the doorstep and ushered her inside.

Gordon Brown escorted his old foe around the rooms she occupied for over a decade, as well as a spin around the garden. He took her into her old study, still known as the Thatcher Room, where they discussed the current political situation for almost an hour. ...

After more than two hours, she emerged clutching a small bouquet of flowers given to her by John Brown. His father, the author of Where There Is Greed: Margaret Thatcher and the Betrayal of Britain's Future in 1989, bowed as she left.

How odd. But then, I'm sure that isn't part of a wider trend...

Lady Thatcher, who played a leading role on the world stage for more than 11 years as Premier, is reported to have advised Mr Blair about the correct approach to international meetings and how to handle world leaders. ...

The two politicians are reported to have mutual admiration for each other's strong leadership styles. Earlier this year, Lady Thatcher reportedly described Mr Blair as "a great patriot" and someone who would not "do Britain down".

Meanwhile Mr Blair has always stressed that he will not reverse the main elements of Lady Thatcher's right-wing revolution, amid signs that he too admires some of her achievements.

Ho hum.

Labour's Last Minute Election Push

Hmm. They're right - Labour hasn't been perfect. I choose to interpret this admission as a sign of strength. You know, similar to this.

But wait, there's something else on the mat. What's this?

Click to enlargerate.

Hmm, good points. As Chief Whip, Nick has had a lot of influence over which bills get through, so maybe I should give this seasoned statesman a chance after all.

Oh.

Election Shitcast LIVE 1!one!!!

20:44 Highlights so far:
Tory leader complaining that there's not enough industry in this country.
Lib leader wishing that the three parties had more in common.
Brown's what-am-I-like gag fail.

BTW loved that workfare dig, DC. Nice to know that if I'm ever on the dole again I'll have to take whatever shit job they offer me, no matter how ill-suited it is. Cheers.

Oh, and that bit about how the boss of Marksies likes you. I'll definitely file that under relevant. And if I ever want advice on aggregate demand management I'll definitely ask a luxury food shop about it, rest assured.

20:47 GB got one in on the inheritance tax bit. Nice.

20:48 NC now getting GB for the same thing. Nice too, I suppose.

20:50 DC in favour of inheritance. What a shocker.

20:56 Sorry for being slow - they're deliberately doing tit for tat to keep NC out of the debate, aren't they?

20:58 NC 'by all means pay them lots of money but no bonuses'. I agree with the second bit, although the first should obviously read 'by all means have them shot'.

21:00 GB: bankers are massive fucking liars so it's important that we give them money.
DC: who gave our economy to the banks in the first place, eh? Eh?
Indeed, Dave. Who would have done that?

21:03 GB: DC wants to cut Corporation Tax.

DC: I don't understand the EU or the Euro, and I want to make that quite clear.

21:04 NC demanding the bank levy again. Good.

21:05 GB on the Tobin Tax. Also good. But which is best? There's only one way to find out...

... talk, it turns out.

DC: People with no history of debt have trouble getting loans.

Well no shit, Sherlock. Their credit rating will be low because they can't show they can handle debt well. It's called a fucking credit report. Jesus.

21:09 GB: I heart biotech in this region.

What about the NE Gordy? Where's the love? Where's that Centre for Life lovin'?

21:10 DC for some reason no one can fathom manufacturing seems to have been on the decline since the '80s.

If only someone in power had been able to stop them, 'eh? I'm really not sure this argument helps who he thinks it helps.

NC's point about sustainable development was pretty good.

21:12 NC: who'd have thought that bankers would turn out to be a bunch of selfish bastards?

GB: Universities yay *ahem*do not mention funding cuts to pay for Olympics*ahem*

DC: The government should buy things from my friends.

21:16 Question: if you have 9 energy ministers and 2 of them are the same person, how many energy ministers do you have?

21:18 Wow, what a great question from Joe McThicko there. Was there any point to that, other than to pre-empt Littlecock's next column? "Why do you love furrins and not work for us and do exactly what I want despite me not being able to articulate a coherent question, bitchez?"

21:21 Oh, immigration. Great. Because this NEVER comes up. Sweet Christ, why do we keep hearing from whining NIMBY fuckwads at the moment?

21:24 NC hates nasty people with crates of crime, apparently.

21:25 DC: NC can't get away from this 'amnesty' idea.

'Get away from' seems an odd way to phrase 'keeps saying he wants' but maybe that's just me.

DC and GB: the worst thing we can possibly do is behave in a humane fashion now. Because if we do that, we might have to behave well tomorrow, too.

NC: I am proposing an amnesty, but of course I will be treating people abused by the black economy as criminals, so settle down your Daily Fail aneurysm poppingness.

21:33 NC: I want 1-bed flats to house families.

21:35 Oh no, NC di'nt just mention Scotswood, I just KNOW he di'nt. Uh-uh.

21:41 I think I'm losing the will to live.

21:49 DC wants to give teachers a licence to touch kids. Fill in RC joke of your own choosing. Loving DC's 'heads need to be in charge' bollocks. Dear DC, heads are in charge. Ask any staff body whether the SLT have any problems enforcing diktat. What you mean is Gove's insane plan to start treating teachers as badly as the private sector treats its employees.

21:55 re DC and heads. 4,000 pages a year?!!!! eleventy!! How do those poor heads manage?

21:56 DC: I'm standing here for a simple reason - I'm too shit even to run my parents' multi-million pound empire. There will be difficult decisions, but hey, they'll never affect me or anyone I know. Change change change change change change change change change change change change.

21:58 NC: Boo! Just kidding. Change change change change change change change things can only get better it could be you.

21:59 GB: Thanks for coming to my show. We're all individual! Boo! No, really, boo. That's a Tory boo. A big scary boo. If we fuck you next year it's completely different from them fucking you now. *Psst* I don't like being the bad guy here, but those two are just rubbish. *rictus grin*.

22:01 David Dimbleby: *coffin-dry dust cough. Possibly some words. Hard to say.*

Obligatory 'How Do I Vote' Handwringing Wangstfest

So, now the three suits have spoken, and a nation has shrugged, what have we learned? Three things really:

1) Whatever Nick Robinson says, this was about personalities and not policy. Because (a) there were very few substantial policy differences to discuss, and (b) this was a political beauty pageant, in which 3 men in suits were put up for 61 million people to gawk at, and then be asked what they thought about them (there was even a scrolling tickertape recording a live Ipsus Mori reaction to it, like the world's dullest lie detector test).

2) All three parties (a) hate public servants, and (b) hate them furrins.

3) The stare-eyed bloke who was sitting behind the BBC presenters discussing the real-time polling, looking like he's touching cloth, is probably already a YouTube hero.

Leaving us where exactly? I'm one of those who normally grits my teeth and votes Labour for fear of the other lot, but the MP in my constituency is such a massive cock that if I try to put the cross in the Labour box this time my own arm might rebel against me and punch me in the face for my presumption. Which leaves a choice of two, since TUSC aren't standing here.

CHOICE A: The Greens.
Not perfect but the best of a bad bunch by a long way, in that they have some policies I actively like, rather than am simply prepared to tolerate. Investment in public transport and raising taxation on the wealthy whilst lowering it for the poorest, for example, or abolishing PFI and decreasing class sizes. I'm prepared to ignore some equivocation in the preamble on immigration as the named policies are largely positive if limited, and a fluffily worded manifesto (cf Sarah Lucas' 'New Labour has its back to the wall in the far corner of the last chance saloon'). So inasmuch as anyone since RESPECT can meet this description, they're the ones I'd 'like' to vote for.

CHOICE B: Lib Dems.
Despite having only one policy that I actually like (and the Greens have that one too) - abolishing the ID card scheme - they're still not as bad as the other two in most respects. Their manifesto is quite annoying, lots of giving figures without references to projected receipts and borrowing, pointless pictures littering the document like a desperate financial pages editor, that sort of thing. Plus their policy on Royal Mail is clearly designed to privatise it, which is very shitty.

But here's the familiar old problem, the one faced by every voter with some kind of idea about the way they would like the world to be. Do you vote for the least of all evils or the least worst of the ones who might actually win?

Mark Steel summed this up neatly when commenting on Blair years ago:
'I know that there are those in the Party who still cling to the old-fashioned belief that we should at least aim to do something. Well let me say this: if you persist with this outdated rhetoric, you will lose us the election and we will never be given the opportunity to do nothing!'

If the Lib Dems do well, they won't do very much, but they might not be as bad as the other two will be.

On the other hand, there would be real change if there were a significant Green victory across the country (although there won't be). But, having been involved in fringe politics for a few years now, I know how important it is for the smaller parties for every increase in vote, because it helps when you're building your movement both to know that the support is there and to be able to show to those outside your base that the support is tangibly there.

In short, Meh.

My Thoughts Exactly

The Mash has called it wrong a few times recently, but this is proper good. Short, sweet, to the point:

It's symbolic of his struggle against reality...

Cannabis. A psychotropic substance whose widespread usage as a recreational drug and as pain relief with not a single recorded fatality has led to its being classified as a Class B substance. The ACMD's last advice to the government on the matter was famously to keep it downgraded to Class C.

From all the evidence we can conclude that if cannabis has to be criminalised at all, it should be on the lowest classification. But that's just the evidence from medical and social harm, and that's not as important as blind prejudice, is it?

A Home Office spokesman said: "The home secretary expressed surprise and disappointment over Professor Nutt's comments which damage efforts to give the public clear messages about the dangers of drugs."

Good point. For the sake of clarity: drug policy is not about how much harm it does to users or can be measured in terms of social harm. It's about how angry Epic Fail readers can get. Drug policy has nothing to do with good public policy.

For me, nothing epitomises New Labour's belief that actual facts should be trumped by middle England's brain-froth as much as its drug policy. They are dangerous ideologues, sure: prosecuting imperialist wars, forcing the free market into the public sector, defending to the hilt the capitalist class of the City. But with drugs, once again we have a simple case of: evidence says this, policy is the opposite solely in order, as far as I can work out, to appease the sentiments of a constituency that lives in Paul Dacre's head.

Twunts.

Nazis on TV? Fuck Off!

Last week we found out that both the BBC and the government feel that it's perfectly acceptable to put Nazis on TV now. There's going to be a protest at the Beeb's Newcastle HQ on the 22nd and we're aiming to make it as big as possible. If you can get there, do. 5.30 Thursday the 22nd October.

And why not come along to this afterwards?

Peter Mandelson: 'I'm just a pussycat.'

No, you're a cunt.

My Awesome Life

Also from Saturday's Graun, this:

I'm thinking of holding a new poll based on 'things I haven't done', as clearly this is public interest journalism*. You know, 'my year without doing handstands on the moon'; 'my month without a blood-soaked proletarian revolution'. Suggestions welcome.

And finally, Adam Curtis has got a new project coming out, which you have to catch upwith if at all possible. Adam Curtis. You know, Adam Curtis. You haven't seen The Power of Nightmares? Or The Trap? or Century of the Self? Go away and watch them. Now.

Right, now that you've done that, go and get Future of the Left's new album. It's OUT NOW.
Future of the Left. You know, Future of the Left. You weren't that into Mclusky? Godsdamnit, go here, listen to this, go get more.

*This has nothing to do with my own sex life of course. How dare you. How very dare you.

Two Pieces of Good News

First off, more unions are making trouble for Labour - Unison this time. I wouldn't be surprised if they crawl back into the fold after being offered a few concessions, but on the other hand it is a sign that the unions either feel that there is not enough left in New Labour to be able to justify funding it; or that Labour are feeling insecure enough after their recent drubbing that the unions can stamp their feet and make them listen a bit.

As I wrote the other week, I'm very keen to see an electorally viable left coalition in time for the general election, so anything that suggests the possiblity of being able to pull union support away from the New Labour carcass has got to be welcome.

Secondly, the Campaign Group are threatening to launch an independent manifesto at the next election.

All in all, there's some hope to be had here. Now, this being the Labour Party and the trades union movement, there are a thousand ways it can all go tits up. But equally, there're a few ways it can all go right. Or rather left. You know what I mean. I'm hoping to bring this up at the public meeting on Wednesday, and I look forward to seeing what the comrades think. And equally importantly, what we can do from up here.

Anyway, barring a series of increasingly lethal medical complications, I can't see much other good news at the mo, so this'll have to do.