Sunday, 27 March 2011

Dear Internets. Yesterday I was on a great big march...

... and I had a great time. Still blown away by it. I think sheer size was what impressed me most. Size and the sense of anger. Size, the sense of anger and the huge variety of groups. Size, the sense of anger, the huge variety of groups and the great placards. Size, the sense of anger, the huge variety, the great placards and the bands. Size ... I'll stop there. I'd love to upload my pictures but like a fool I forgot my camera and my phone doesn't talk to other electeronicamal devices very easily. I'll work it out soon. Highlights of the day:

  • The girl with the 'only one man can save us now' placard with a TARDIS on it The girl with a huge homemade banner that looked a bugger to carry, emblazoned with 'This banner isn't big enough for all the things I'm angry about!'

  • The anarchist brass band. They weren't attempting to play anything, which is probably for the best. I have no idea how a band would sound, founded on the principle of anarchy, but I'm guessing this would sound better...

  • The brass band who struck up the Internationale when passing the bust-up LloydsTSB that had been vandalised.

  • The vandalised LloydsTSB. Banks have never been funnier than when someone's chucked something through a glass door then stuffed a baguette into the hole. When I can get hold of the photos I'll update this post and then you'll see. Then YOU'LL ALL SEE! You know, if you want.

  • The 'Big Society - compensating for something?' banner.

  • The various 'build a bonfire' chants. Some were quite inventive.

  • The fact that the back end of the march still wasn't visible near Trafalgar at gone 4 o'clock - more than 5 hours after it first started.

  • The number of times that I heard comments along the lines of 'this needs to be the start of something, not the end'.

  • The number of people carrying SWP placards calling for a general strike (mine's leaning against the bookcase as I type).

Ahem. Worst points of the day:

  • The Kindness Revolution or whatever they were offering free hugs near the National Gallery. It wasn't just the unsubstantiated demands, it was that they were actually from the White Stuff clothing company. Fuck off, White Stuff clothing company.*

  • The bloke with the 'Socialism is Theft' banner. Yeah, that's why we're here guys! Let's start a fight during a display of solidarity.**

I would like to end this post with a simple message: GENERAL STRIKE NOW. We run this country, not the Condems or the bankers. We make everything, we do all the work. Let's remind these motherfuckers just whose indulgence they play on when they tell us they're the voice of authority. Build for a general strike.


*Also, at what point did people start charging for hugs anyway? You need to get better friends, White Stuff Clothing Company.

**Also, brief shout-out for all the 'Tory Scum' banners. It's good to see the old classics getting a play.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

There is literally no snark left...

I've not updated for a bit, partly because I've been to busy with ... you know ... stuff ... and partly because I generally want to post on here in order to snark at news stories that make the little veins in my eyes start throbbing with greater urgency than a diarrhoetic in a 10 items or less queue at Boots*, but the absurdity event horizon seems to have passed me by. I mean, look at this:

George Osborne said he would be watching oil companies "like a hawk" to make sure there was "no funny business" following his budget decision to cut 1p from fuel duty.

Honestly, where do you start? It's times like this I am painfully aware that I can never make a great satirist. I can't see it with ironic detachment. It's just a matter of - this is utter, nonsensical madness. What's the right response to this? A clever gag, a series of bullet points explaining the various levels of hypocrisy and untruth at work, or what?**

I know everyone else has pointed this out as well - if even the shadow chancellor's got it then it's a fair bet few are fooled, but Jesus. They really do think we're a Burkean mob, don't they?

We'll see how well this 'stability' that Gideon's created works on Saturday I suppose...

*Yes, at Boots. Look, if they were in Tesco's how would you get the cue that they were buying imodium? Look, just forget it.

**Note how I avoided the obvious 'a series of bullets' line there. Never go for the easy punchline, kids. Unless it's funny to do so, obviously.