Something to make teachers angry

If you're a teacher and you're being balloted about whether to strike, there's a handy thingummy here that will allow you to calculate exactly how much you're being screwed by proposed Government changes to the pension scheme.

For example, I'm going to lose over £166,000 over my working life. In other words, a house.

I don't like Tory scum for many reasons, and few of them have to do with my personal situation as a worker under attack, but this is a nice illustration of the viciousness of what they want to do to me and thousands like me.

If your union hasn't yet balloted, speak to your rep and put pressure on them to do so. Together, we are strong. Divided, we will be screwed by total and utter bastards.

Remember, we're not all in this together - they are attempting to make us pay for their fucking crisis.

Snide Post

In which your protagonist lowers himself to taking the piss out of dim work colleagues for no other reason than petty vindictiveness.

Think less of me if you want/it's possible, but it was all I could do not to laugh. And besides, no names, no pack drill.

In the middle of a tedious conflict escalation regarding something that may or may not have been said about one colleague by another:

'I wish I'd been there, I would've ripped her head off. Cos I hate it when people are nasty to each other.'

Look, you've got to take your chuckles where you can find 'em OK?

Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

Not unless it's very funny, anyway.

Literary Parallels

Spotted at work:

Spotted in So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish:

'... the words that finally turned me into the hermit I have now become. It was quite sudden. I saw them, and I knew what I had to do.'
The sign said:
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
'It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.'

Edit:
It occurs to me that I've been carrying this around in my wallet for many years now*, for very similar reasons to the above. Funny really, the way some things become so familiar you forget they're there. See what you think: harbinger of the apocalypse or proof of the Hitch Hiker theory about the meaning of the universe?

*since I liberated it from my keyboard when I worked selling mortgages at a certain well-known North East based bank whose long-term plans for profitability were not, it turns out, as thoroughly contemplated as their health and safety advice.