Thursday, 31 December 2009

Worst. Fanboyism. Evar.

Just checked out the Graun's 'verdict' on The End of Time. A reasonable enough piece, even if he hadn't been paying attention to why Wilf doesn't get all Masterised (the control thingummy's all shielded, the Doctor did say, you know) and doesn't think much of the Ood. But the comments, oh the comments.

Admittedly it's about 50-50, but check out some of this shit:

I mean, OK, 'Books of Saxon' not a great start. But worst ever? Let's run down a few excerpts from the list of Doctor Who Crimes Against Suspension of Disbelief shall we?

Exhibit A:
The King's Demons
The charges:
1) This serial did wilfully possess a plot as follows: the Master tries to delay the signing of Magna Carta. A bit.
2) This serial did knowingly and with malice aforethought introduce Kamelion, the single dullest character in the history of science fiction into the show, thus requiring the writers to have to try and find something to do with him in other stories.

Exhibit B:
Fear Her
The charges:
1) Awful. Just awful.
2) 'It's a symbol of love!' No it isn't. It's a stick on fire.

Exhibit C:
Arc of Infinity
The charges:
1) The serial fails to make it clear whther there is an actual plot, or whether the crew got to Amsterdam, went to a cafe and then just started filming whatever seemed kind of groovy at the time.
2) The robot chicken thing. What the fuck is that?
3) So this bloke you met in a youth hostel tells you he's got this great place to stay, leads you to an underground crypt where no one will find you and then tries to get in your sleeping bag. Is there not a point at which this should sound creepy to you?

Exhibit D:
The Shakespeare Code
The charges:
1) Unbearable smugness in the form of a running gag about Shakespeare lines. We get it - you take your kids round National Trust properties and regularly hold dinner parties. Well done. You're very cultured. Quentin Letts would approve.
2) The number thing. Just what was that all about?

Time Flight
The charges:
1) The Master spends most of episode one talking to himself in a borderline racist disguise for reasons never made clear.
2) Tegan.

Exhibit E:
Horns of Nimon
I don't really have to explain, do I? Still, just in case:

So, in conclusion, The End of Time was not the worst episode ever. In fact, it was quite good. And I thought the 'Master Race' gag was good. So there.

N.B. other DW crimes include: Myrka, the Leisure Hive scarf-murder, and of course Talons of Weng Chi'ang's somewhat suspect Chinaman. Feel free to add your own in the comments...

No comments: