Thursday 29 April 2010

Election Shitcast LIVE 1!one!!!

20:44 Highlights so far:
Tory leader complaining that there's not enough industry in this country.
Lib leader wishing that the three parties had more in common.
Brown's what-am-I-like gag fail.

BTW loved that workfare dig, DC. Nice to know that if I'm ever on the dole again I'll have to take whatever shit job they offer me, no matter how ill-suited it is. Cheers.

Oh, and that bit about how the boss of Marksies likes you. I'll definitely file that under relevant. And if I ever want advice on aggregate demand management I'll definitely ask a luxury food shop about it, rest assured.

20:47 GB got one in on the inheritance tax bit. Nice.

20:48 NC now getting GB for the same thing. Nice too, I suppose.

20:50 DC in favour of inheritance. What a shocker.

20:56 Sorry for being slow - they're deliberately doing tit for tat to keep NC out of the debate, aren't they?

20:58 NC 'by all means pay them lots of money but no bonuses'. I agree with the second bit, although the first should obviously read 'by all means have them shot'.

21:00 GB: bankers are massive fucking liars so it's important that we give them money.
DC: who gave our economy to the banks in the first place, eh? Eh?
Indeed, Dave. Who would have done that?

21:03 GB: DC wants to cut Corporation Tax.

DC: I don't understand the EU or the Euro, and I want to make that quite clear.

21:04 NC demanding the bank levy again. Good.

21:05 GB on the Tobin Tax. Also good. But which is best? There's only one way to find out...

... talk, it turns out.

DC: People with no history of debt have trouble getting loans.

Well no shit, Sherlock. Their credit rating will be low because they can't show they can handle debt well. It's called a fucking credit report. Jesus.

21:09 GB: I heart biotech in this region.

What about the NE Gordy? Where's the love? Where's that Centre for Life lovin'?

21:10 DC for some reason no one can fathom manufacturing seems to have been on the decline since the '80s.

If only someone in power had been able to stop them, 'eh? I'm really not sure this argument helps who he thinks it helps.

NC's point about sustainable development was pretty good.

21:12 NC: who'd have thought that bankers would turn out to be a bunch of selfish bastards?

GB: Universities yay *ahem*do not mention funding cuts to pay for Olympics*ahem*

DC: The government should buy things from my friends.

21:16 Question: if you have 9 energy ministers and 2 of them are the same person, how many energy ministers do you have?

21:18 Wow, what a great question from Joe McThicko there. Was there any point to that, other than to pre-empt Littlecock's next column? "Why do you love furrins and not work for us and do exactly what I want despite me not being able to articulate a coherent question, bitchez?"

21:21 Oh, immigration. Great. Because this NEVER comes up. Sweet Christ, why do we keep hearing from whining NIMBY fuckwads at the moment?

21:24 NC hates nasty people with crates of crime, apparently.

21:25 DC: NC can't get away from this 'amnesty' idea.

'Get away from' seems an odd way to phrase 'keeps saying he wants' but maybe that's just me.

DC and GB: the worst thing we can possibly do is behave in a humane fashion now. Because if we do that, we might have to behave well tomorrow, too.

NC: I am proposing an amnesty, but of course I will be treating people abused by the black economy as criminals, so settle down your Daily Fail aneurysm poppingness.

21:33 NC: I want 1-bed flats to house families.

21:35 Oh no, NC di'nt just mention Scotswood, I just KNOW he di'nt. Uh-uh.

21:41 I think I'm losing the will to live.

21:49 DC wants to give teachers a licence to touch kids. Fill in RC joke of your own choosing. Loving DC's 'heads need to be in charge' bollocks. Dear DC, heads are in charge. Ask any staff body whether the SLT have any problems enforcing diktat. What you mean is Gove's insane plan to start treating teachers as badly as the private sector treats its employees.

21:55 re DC and heads. 4,000 pages a year?!!!! eleventy!! How do those poor heads manage?

21:56 DC: I'm standing here for a simple reason - I'm too shit even to run my parents' multi-million pound empire. There will be difficult decisions, but hey, they'll never affect me or anyone I know. Change change change change change change change change change change change change.

21:58 NC: Boo! Just kidding. Change change change change change change change things can only get better it could be you.

21:59 GB: Thanks for coming to my show. We're all individual! Boo! No, really, boo. That's a Tory boo. A big scary boo. If we fuck you next year it's completely different from them fucking you now. *Psst* I don't like being the bad guy here, but those two are just rubbish. *rictus grin*.

22:01 David Dimbleby: *coffin-dry dust cough. Possibly some words. Hard to say.*

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